Breaking up is Hard to do..

A month and a half ago i received a call from a Friend of mine. She was excited to play the match maker with me. I had decided a long time ago that i really did not want to be in a relationship. One, because i am just not the playing around type. Two, i do not like to have my heart broken into pieces. But i agreed to talk to him, Hey one more friend doesn't hurt, Right?

We talked a few weeks when finally time permitted to have a date. I had only seen him in pictures and it really didn't do it for me but what the heck. A fun night on the town was mostly what i had in mind. When we finally meet it was a little awkward. We just made small talk till our destination. I must admit He did a great job to make me feel comfortable and safe. I had a great time with him. We really clicked. Real strange just because i keep stuff to myself. That same night he asked me to be his girl. I said yes. I really liked him and the way he made me feel. October 22 would forever be special for me.  During the next month we saw each other more and he meet my entire family. He felt right into place with my crazy family and that was great. Then Mother had her way of thinking. Maybe this is the one. This is what i want for your marriage. UMMMMM i wasn't thinking that far ahead. But now that she had spoken my mind went into what if mode. He mentioned a few "when we get married" sentences.. So i really didn't want to question things. November was a very special month. I felt home, safe, happy. Many times when i date people i am always questioning everything but with him it was nothing like that. He said what he thought so there was never any questioning. I loved that.

I finally admitted that i did care for him. That took a long time because i always get hurt. Now i don't really regret anything. I learned with him. But our story is coming to an end. I got the "its not me its you" yes, i wrote it the way it really is.

first, i want to say i am NOT bitter. But, why do we as women always blame ourselves. Why do we question anything. First of all, it is the mans responsibility to create a family here on earth. We wait and accept the one we truly love to ask. I might sound old fashion but that is what i feel. Why is it that once you let them in they decide this isn't the one. HELLO! why did you insist when you had doubts. Like i said i am not mad. Hurt maybe. Just the thought that i have to go thru this one more time is so tiring to me. More dates, more new guys, more beginning questions, more awkward moments. Ugh so annoying.

I had prayed for clarity. To see if this one was truly the one and if he wasn't to please remove him from my path. Boy did i ever get that answer quick. I have never been in a relationship that short.. 1 month~! wow.. but, i must continue on my path. I am not going to question anything My Heavenly Father has plan for me. All i really want is so peace in my heart and that when the right one truly comes along i can get to see an Angel from above with a big billboard and flashing lights and pointing at him THIS IS THE ONE!

ahahha ah, to dream..

love you all